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Everybody Masturbates is a self-published picture book devoted to explaining to young children what masturbation is all about and why it is a” permissible activity enjoyed by everyone sometime in their lifetime.”  On the cover page, above the title, is a one sentence “qualifier” of sorts which reads “this book has been reviewed positively by Child Care Experts.”   Nowhere in the book does it mention who these child care experts are that positively reviewed this little book.

Where to begin?  The book starts off by telling kids the different when, where and how of masturbation, giving nearly any answer an approving nod.  “One thing is certainly true,” said the author, “everybody masturbates.”  This is the entire theme of the book, mentioned on nearly every page:  masturbation is acceptable and everyone doesit or has done it at some time.  In case you were wondering, this includes you.

 There is a story, involving the apple family, a family of walking apple head characters.  Little Billy is upset because his brother Tommy said masturbating causes hair growth on the hands and blindness.  Tommy apparently “caught” Billy checking himself out.  Naturally, Billy is upset that his hands will become hairy and he won’t even be able to see them because he will also become blind.

Enter Daddy Apple (really, their heads are apples), who takes Billy out to a public park to explain why Tommy said such a thing and to explain that it is not true.  He goes on to explain, using Billy’s foot, what makes the little apple’s penis sometimes feel so good.  Billy is told how babies are created (no birds or bees involved), and not to be ashamedof satisfying himself “because everybody does” the same thing (except boys do this and girls do that). 

 Daddy Apple tells Billy married people no longer need to masturbate but, both husband and wife continue in secret.  If the person is not married, he or she definitely masturbates.  Billy learns that boys and girls have different body parts and why.  And Billy learns why he felt pleasure when touching himself and that this pleasure is important to insure married people have babies.  Oh, and he learns his hand will not grow hairy and he will not go blind – at least not from masturbating.

Mr. YoungMiller’s website explains that he is an actor, not a psychologist, doctor, social worker or even a parent.  There is also no proof of positive reviews from “child care experts.”  His other books include Everybody Masturbates for Girls, Happiness May Vary, Everybody Has These Thought so it Doesn’t Mean You’re Gay, and a couple of books on “taboo” subjects of interest only to adults.

What do I think?  Hm . . . I would not have a child read this, especially without supervision.  This little book appears to be aimed at young children. The black and white illustrations are simplistic and strange.  The use of a fruit for Billy’s head is a curious choice.  It gives the book a cartoonish look and feel.  Plus, I have a difficult time accepting a book on masturbation for children written by a someone, with no qualifications or expertise in child development, who also writes about penis enlargement for adults (also with no qualifications).  I think this author has taken on subjects best left to professionals and parents.

Daddy tells Billy that “just like poop” people do not like to talk about masturbation because the subject can be embarrassing.  Billy agrees to keep what he has learned to himself.   It is unfortunate the author did not take his own advice.

 Library Thing member giveaway.  Received from author

For insight into the author’s mind CLICK HERE